Fast forward to 6th grade and with the start of my body changing and innocence waning, my awkward phase was in full effect. All the black girls had relaxers by then and I didn't. In the 90's it was all about jet black, long, relaxed hair. SWV and Aaliyah became my hair icons. I was too old for the ballies and barretts look and my mom didn't know how to do all the cool natural hairstyles that I can go IN on now. So, I either wore a boring bun or two french braids. I quickly grew tired of these styling options and begged my mother for a relaxer so my hair could look like hers, the girls at school, and Coco's from SWV (that I didn't then know was a weave. Lol.). She didn't want to relax my hair but she also couldn't provide any other hairstyle ideas that I could do and I hated and detested that hot comb. (If only I would have waited it out a little longer when flat irons hit the scene.....) By 7th grade, I wore her down and she let me get a relaxer.
Like most, at first, my hair was long, swangin and full. I thought I was soooo fly. Outside of getting touch ups, my mother had turned over my hair care to me. I abused my hair like crazy: blow drying frequently and curling my hair everyday. This resulted in the cycle of it growing and breaking or it growing and scissor happy stylists cutting more than necessary. For years this cycle plagued me. Looking back now, I realize that I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know how to properly take care of my hair. I just knew how to make it look nice; ie curl and wrap it. I started to notice in college, that my hair was not as full as it had used to be. My abuse was catching up to me. (It's funny b/c after a while, I took to wearing my hair in really curly sets that lasted me about a week.) It stayed between SL and APL but not full and long like when I was a child. I really started to hate my hair and kept it braided most of my senior year so that I didn't have to look at it and be frustrated by it.
Many times during my college years, I had thought about growing out the relaxer but back then I was hard pressed to spot a natural and if I did see one, their hair inspired me to STAY relaxed. Meaning, their hair left a lot to be desired. In my then one dimensional mind, natural hair meant a pik'd out, 1970's style afro. I wasn't interested in a '70s style afro and cared too much about if (black) men would find me attractive. I didn't think it would make me look pretty so I figured I was just "stuck" in the relaxer cycle even though I was getting fed up. It's bananas how your mindset can limit you. It never occured to me that afro textured hair can grow long like any other hair texture and that my hairstyling options were far from limited. All I saw were dried out, twa's, nothing like what I see now. My closest friend from college was natural. She was the only positive outlook I had on it at the time. She kept her hair in a beautiful twa but I was still obssessed with having long hair so like a battered woman, I stayed in my disfunctional relationship with relaxers.
In 2007, I found Long Hair Care Forum and that site revolutionized my whole outlook on black hair and caring for it. For the first time in my life, I was "surrounded" by black women with beautiful, long, relaxed and natural hair that I didn't think was possible for us to have unless you were "mixed" or had a weave. Many were doing it on their own; no salon visits AND THEY WERE SHARING THEIR TIPS WITH EACH OTHER! We all know how women can be. This was amazing to me. Thanks to so much of their advice and tips on relaxed hair care practices, my hair flourished and grew to BSL but no matter what, it was still that typical thin, doobie wrap that every black girl in America had......
I really appreciate the fact that Long Hair Care Forum has naturals and relaxed heads all together on there. This is when I got a huge helping of natural hair's true beauty and versatility. I learned of transitioning to natural and how you did that. I learned of products natural hair ladies liked. When I learned of Fotki, it was really a wrap. Here I was thinking afro textured hair was "unmanageable" and could only be worn in a short, dry afro and these ladies' hair albums were phenomenal. Their hair was off the charts. Many had hair BSL and longer. It debunked everything I ever thought about natural hair. They showed how they washed, cared for and styled their hair, and what products they used. They were managing their hair just fine and helping others maintain their hair and achieve longer lengths. The final push was when my favorite hair inspiration on LHCF who then had WL relaxed hair, shared that she was transitioning to natural. When I saw her hair after her BC (she transitioned for a year and a half), I said that's it. I know I can do this too!
Enter summer of 2008. I knew I wanted to go natural one day but didn't know exactly when. I got a relaxer early that May and decided I was going to stretch my relaxer till the end of the summer; September. Armed with the knowledge and tools I learned from LHCF about stretching relaxers, I was like "bring it on". I was doing so well with the stretch and due to my understanding and excellent hair care practices, my new growth stayed soft and pliable. Then about 2-3 months in, I decided I didn't want to relax anymore and thus began my journey. I liiiiived on the internet for support and information; I soaked it all up like a sponge. LHCF, Fotki, YouTube, and sites like Motown Girl taught me everything I know about transitioning and afro texture hair care & styling today. I chronicled my transition on here and on my YouTube channel as well, so check both out when you get a chance.
In November of 2008, due to the economy, I lost my job. I was devastated b/c I luv'd my job and the company I was working for. A lot of change came my way and on December 8th, I decided it was time for a fresh start and did my own big chop. When I was done, the first thought that popped up was, "What the hell did I just do! What do I do now?!" Then about 10 minutes later of staring at myself in the mirror I liked it and said, "Well, don't let all your prior research be in vain. Utilize the information you learned and get to taking care of your hair!" It's been "on like Donkey Kong" ever since.
I've had ups and downs trying to figure out what products, techniques and hairstyles (especially as I continue to grow it out) work best for my hair but I never gave up. I just kept trying things, took notes of what was working and what wasn't and I have found things that work for me. I feel like I'm back to that little girl that luv'd curls. Never say never but I don't think I'll ever go back to relaxers. I don't mind shrinkage, I think it's cool. I really enjoy and lust after my own hair now. And the adventure continues as I now challenge myself to grow my hair to my waist when stretched. I have never had hair longer than BSL in my life so here we go!
Natural hair is beautiful. Natural hair is sexy. Natural is truly unique. We no longer need to feel ashamed and less than because of it. Our ancestors may have had to straighten their hair for better opportunities and survival but their blood, sweat, tears and fight made it so now we don't have to live like that anymore if we don't want to. We are free to wear our hair however we like be it straight or in its natural texture without it denying us an education, job or humane/civil treatment. Let's not wait for the media to tell us what's desireable. Let's create our own standards of beauty! You don't have to be a certain type of person to rock your natural hair and you don't have to rock an afro everyday or at all if you don't want to. Don't let your hair define you, you define IT! Our natural hair is whatever we make it. Wear it proud. :D
Stay naturally fly,
Milan
