Stop Kissing Corpses

Summer 2012 (September-ish?) Humidity shrunken twist out


One of my friends, Sheena, recently wrote a really good post the start of this year titled, "The Relationship is Dead. Stop Kissing It." She challenged readers to stop being necrophiliacs towards relationships that can't be or shouldn't be resurrected or resuscitated.

Those of you who didn't google it already are wondering, "what is a necrophiliac?" Well, a brief definition of a necrophiliac is someone who is sexually attracted to corpses, aka dead bodies. Gross, right? In this context, it's a person who romanticizes a dead relationship. Most of the time, the relationship ended because you weren't equally yolked but you haven't let go because A) are/were hopeful that things will magically change, B) YOU will/would magically inspire the person to change, C) don't think there is anyone better (comparing new people to your ex or first love, etc) or D) are scared to move on and start over.

I finally buried a corpse of my own, completely, recently. No more digging it back up or keeping it above ground. Two and a half years ago, I ended the relationship because we weren't on the same page. I was in love with him, saw him in my future and wanted to continue the natural progression to something more serious. He told me he saw me in his future but didn't know when. I knew in my heart staying around until he was sure wasn't a guarantee that I would go riding off into the sunset with him. He could be figure it out in 10 years and decide it's not me. Did I really want to live my life waiting on someone else to possibly feel what I felt for them right now? Man, please. I told him I couldn't wait for him to figure it out, wished him well and I walked. That was 2.5 years ago. While I didn't regret my decision, I proceeded to lament over this corpse and the "hope" that he would get it together and come for me soon after I walked away. It wasn't until when the end of last year, like Sheena, I had to take my own advice that I had given a friend.

When we don't move on from things that we know in our heart that we need to totally let go of, it's fear. Fear can really do a number on you and paralyze you if you enable it. In my case, I told myself that our connection was so special and that I'd never find that again with someone, it had to be him. I was french kissing this corpse out of fear. Fear in a way, that he was the best that I would ever have. This mindset paralyzed me from being open to meeting new people and being open to falling in love again. Yes, our connection was special and of course I won't have that exact same connection with another man bc maybe I'm meant to experience an even BETTER one with a man that is ready, feels the same way about me that I do about him and WANTS to marry me. I couldn't let fear of the unknown stop me from living so I had let go all the way this time. I felt lighter almost immediately and ready to work on myself and be open to the possibilities. While I haven't met THE ONE yet, I have been meeting men and enjoying getting to know them and what they're about. I'm open to loving again if it's right. I'm not a prisoner to the cemetery anymore.

I know it's scary moving on in life because it's change and it could make things bad but it could make things even better. More often times then not, it makes things better. No one said it would be easy to move on to a better place emotionally and all but anything, a healthy and LIVING relationship, worth having is a little challenging. We wouldn't appreciate anything good if we didn't have to earn it some kind of way. Do you want to exist or do you want to live? If you are making out with a corpse out of fear or comfort, let it go. It's. Dead. As Tamar Braxton says, "get your life." It can only go up from here if you stay to true to what you want and choose life over death. I'm choosing life, what about you?

Is there a corpse that you need to stop kissing?

Comments

MsCkelle said…
My corpse is my ex-husband who I only divorced to give him a kick in the pants. After that didn't work you would think I would move on, noooooo. I continued to be in a relationship with him and need I say nothing changed. I can relate to so many of your feelings about your corpse. Almost 2 years later I have stop kissing my corpse. I have literally lost 30lbs. Unforturnately in this process my self esteem took a hit, but I'm learning to take better care of myself and feeling and looking better. Can't wait to feel up to dating again. Your blog post inspires me.Would love to hear more about your dating adventures/tips.
vetty said…
I'll def be re-reading this a couple of times to aide in my process & avoid having to go through that in the future (i.e. just let it go when it's over instead of way later). Good stuff.
Tiffany said…
I think I should find new work, just being lazy and paralyzed by fear. Good post.
Amma Mama said…
I have a gazillion corpses. I am right with you Tiffany ^^.
This post is the truth.
Sheena LaShay said…
I can't even pick one sentence that I love the most about this post. Seriously. There are just too many. All I can say is thank you for writing this because its just more affirmation and encouragement for me! You rock! It's time to leave the cemetery!

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