Before I go into the dream, I need to share some background info. This weekend just past was a pivotal one for me. The week prior was filled with vivid, in your face, signs about where I'm headed and what I'm destined for. I was also met with some challenges that I had to mentally fight through. I smudged my home over the weekend to clear out any negative energy or stagnant air that had built up over the long and cold winter and declared out loud that I wanted prosperity, abundance, strength and the things I want for myself this year. I told the Universe/God all that I was thankful for and that I was done feeling scared and overwhelmed. I wanted what was mine and I was ready to attack. A grandiose wave of love and assurance washed over me after I declared that. I started crying because those feelings were so immense. I was going to be ok. Everything I was stressing over, let it go. I'm going to be fine, everything will be taken care of. What a wonderful and empowering experience that was. I really don't have to figure it out, I just have to do and stay the course.
My paralysis dream this morning fired me up because the [negative energy] force came at me so strong, the strongest I've ever experienced to date. I was laying in my bed when I felt the unseen force pushing me down. Normally, most's first inclination in these type of dreams is to pull the covers over their head/look away (not look the force in the eye) and be scared. It was mine too but then my Scorpio fire kicked in and I chucked fear the deuces, ya girl pushed back. At first I could barely move but I felt my willpower and determination burning bright and strong inside of me and I started to fight. I wasn't going to lay down in defeat, I was tired of laying down, I looked that dark grey cloud in its eyes and told it to get off of me. I shouted for it to stop it because I had things to do. I started repeating these things, my voice got stronger, clearer and louder. (Hope I wasn't shouting in my waking life or my neighbors may have been perturbed at 5am. Lol!) The more I spoke and pushed, the stronger I became and until I finally was able to wrestle my way all the way up. When I fought my way up, it went away and then I woke up pumped. Not scared, I woke up pumped. I wasn't breathing heavy because I was scared, I was breathing heavy because I went to battle for all the positve things I deserve and I won. It was not easy, that force was strong but my will and determination pushed me to push it away because I do have things to do. I have dreams to experience and a full life to live.
I keep sharing with you all that this year I dreamed really big; this is the biggest and most overwhelming that I have ever dreamed to date. I was excited the end of 2013 and had stars in my eyes but things didn't play out anywhere close to what I thought. I began to feel like maybe what I was asking for I wasn't meant to have, like a kid wanting to eat a whole bag of jellybeans in one sitting isn't a good idea, maybe the things I was asking for werent good ideas. We want certain men so badly when in retrospect we see why God never gave them to us because they weren't a good idea. Maybe I was asking for the wrong things, maybe I had bitten off more than I could chew. I started to backtrack and adjust my dreams to make them "safer" and less terrifying. The strong and determined Milan got replaced with an overwhelmed and defeated Milan. The Universe wouldn't let me off easy though and isn't letting me out of my original dreams, I have to see them through. I was even visited by my late great grandmother in a dream a couple months ago with the message to not be doubtful, I had to trust. The past couple weeks the signs have become very blatant, they can't be ignored, and I've decided that Ive had enough with being a sad, defeated wimp. It was a cold, harsh winter but I have sprung into my destiny and what I asked for. I am a victor and I deserve the things that I want for myself. I will have the life that I want for myself. I will have what I want for myself this year. All I have to do is at least one thing each day that gets me closer. That dream showed me that I won't stay down for long. I have it in me to push back so I can push through towards my desires and passions. Things may push against me along my journey but they cannot keep me down, I will always fight back and rise back up. And this applies to any of you reading this too.
When you want something so bad and the forces of doubt and fear step in, push back. Don't become paralyzed and scared, push those f$&kers back. Yell and shout out loud if you have to but don't you dare quit. I came so close guys but God wouldn't let me. Push back, you have it in you. You were born with all the tools you need for your success. You push back by taking that writing class to hone and sharpen your skills. You push back by putting a little of each paycheck into your savings account. You push back by getting that degree you want. You push back by giving gratitude for what you have now and for what you will have in the future. You push back by taking an hour out of each day for yourself. You push back by doing what you can with what you have right now. You push back by doing one extra rep or running for 5 more minutes. You push back by simply starting.
We are victors, not victims of our circumstances. Get that fire glowing in your eyes and that desire burning so much like your desire for air so you can breathe. Claim what you want for yourself, do just one small thing everyday that honors what you want and when the doubt and fear come to try to jock your swag, push them mofo's back. Tell them to get out of the way (you can bust into Ludacris' song "Move Bitch" if you like to and start throwing them bows.) you've got things to do. Push your way through. Your dreams are all on the other side of fear.
I'm wishing you all a wonderful start to your work week and the rest of your lives. Let's do more than just make it through, let's LIVE. What's been pushing you around lately? How will you push back on it this week?